Saturday, July 27th
Alcohol, sobriety, society and cats
Today marks day 5. The fifth day always hits like a tsunami. It’s funny that when you start seeing the benefits is when you crave it the most, and it doesn’t help that your brain is chanting “you’ve been good, have yourself a reward, kiddo!”. Hyper-vigilance is the key, because even when all the upsides are clear, when things are good, that’s when your brain will trip you when you’re not looking. “It’s a thin line, between a thick line and no line at all.”
When I see other people that are wrecked from alcohol it shakes me to the core. “How sad…” I think. Last night I was walking to the store to pick up some non-alcoholic beers, it helps break through the cravings, I saw an older woman walking with three children, presumably her kids, and she was so drunk she could barely walk. She was barely lifting her feet in the act, it was more of a shuffle. It took me a minute to process it. That poor woman, and more importantly, those poor kids! Later on I felt bad for not offering to escort them all safely home.
Why am I quitting? It’s an important question to ask. First, my pancreas is telling “stop, you dumb mf’er, this shit will kill you!”. I was always worried about this habit, but when I started getting pains in my pancreas, and they were directly related to the amount of binge-drinking I had been doing, I knew there had to be an expiration date on this. Second, life has been completely halted from it. I am just grinding out my day job, and as soon as I get home, within the first five minutes I am halfway through a beer. Dishes and chores are ignored. “Adulting”, as the kids say, gets ignored. Side pursuits, passions and hobbies are ignored. Life is ignored.